So far, I HATE graduate school. The funny thing is that I don't really feel too overloaded or stressed, even with 4 classes, because I've working very hard to keep on a schedule (I'm a week ahead in the readings for each class). What I hate is the fact that my program is NOTHING like I thought it would be. I'm not alone in this as some of my fellow (new) classmates have expressed this same sentiment. I have no idea what I'm doing and my department treats everyone as though we should already be experts on these subjects. I have read and re-read the material so many times yet it is just not clicking for me - and I had no idea that my program would head in this direction. Furthermore, the administration at my school is absolutely reprehensible. I come from a school where the administration (I'm talking about the registrar, admissions, bursar, financial aid, etc.) were very helpful and often went above and beyond their means, to a school where emails are not even returned.
I am disappointed and scared now, because with this direction my department has embarked on and in which I have absolutely no background, I have no idea what I will write about for my final papers. I don't even have the vocabulary that my older classmates/professors have and I have a very good vocabulary! I feel very lost and afraid that I've made a huge mistake in choosing this school and I have a feeling that I will not excel in these subjects as well as I would like to, potentially jeopardizing my chances to get into a good doctorate program in the future.
Now I am struggling with a no-buy because buying things would make me feel better and I *cue the whining* waaaaaannnnt China Glaze glitters, Chanel Jade, and the new MACs! Grrrrr.
I apologize for that very long tirade. Now, on to better things, my NOTD!
Last night I did my tips in OPI Suede Suzi Skis in the Pyrenees. I found the formula very hard to work with as it dries super fast and if you don't hurry you wind up with uneveness and messiness. I put a topcoat on it so that it would last longer than a matte mani. Unfortunately, this afternoon BOTH of my thumbs chipped badly so I removed the thumb polish and instead put on the original Suzi Skis, the non-matte. What I have now is (in my opinion) a very interesting mani that I love!
This is 2 coats of Suede Suzi and 3 coats of regular Suzi. As usual, click the pic to see it large and in charge.
Kitchen light:
Living room light:
With flash:
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Well, what do you think? Weird? Cool? Thanks for reading!
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5 comments:
First off, I think your mani is gorgeous. I really like the texture of those suedes and I think they look very interesting with topcoat (though I dare say I prefer them without.) If only mattes/suedes had actual staying power. :P
Second... while I cannot speak for everyone else, I do empathize with what you're going through and I honestly believe that the first month (or so) of grad school is a lot like you've described for many people. I'm in a doctoral program, I'm familiar with both the department and the discipline and I still feel as though I am out of my element. For instance, while I no longer question my "right to be here" as I tended to do (a lot!) during my MA, there are times when I wonder whether I'm really getting the readings or the discussions. Just today I managed to go from one class where I fully understood what was going on and played a central role in the discussion to another class where I misread/misquoted a key thinker. (Bah!)
Inevitably, these sort of setbacks tend to get one a bit depressed (I feel as though "nothing clicks") and when there isn't support from your department or the administration, you can start to feel as though you're alone. In my experience however, many colleagues, peers in your cohort, also feel the same way and its those ties that will make or break your graduate experience.
The prof teaching my core cohort this semester told us on the first day of classes that after first year, most of the learning we do will be with each other. It's your peers who go on to become your colleagues for life - and this is evidenced by the branches of influential thinkers who've come through our discipline as PhD cohorts over the past few generations.
I think her advice is sound. Your peers are your allies and you can help each other muddle through. Departments are nothing without their students and its the students who make the environment a truly great one.
^ Okay so I've noticed some grammar/punctuation issues in my above post but rather than erase it I figure I'll just acknowledge them here. :P Tuesdays are LONG days for me...and I should be in bed.
Cheers!
I'm so sorry you are having a rough time -- new things are always hard for me. I hope it all gets better for you. Keep polishing!
Your manicure is lovely. I like the suede and the original Suzi on your thumbs. Very pretty. I'm so sorry that graduate school isn't what you hoped for. I think things will get better for you. Your a very smart person and will find your way.
sorry to hear that you're having a tough time in school. you seem like an intelligent woman, you'll get through it, don't give up.
on a positive note, the mani looks great!
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